When you marry or remarry into a family, you may or may not have some problems with raising the children. Children under the ge of 7 will be easier to raise because they are still at the ‘impressionable’ age and will latch on to anyone who wants to be their ‘parent’. Marrying into a family that has pre-teens and teens, you are going to be asking for a lot of trouble. How you handle it will be up to you. You may on a daily bases is going to hear the words “your not my daddy/mommy”, “I don’t have to listen to you”, “mom/dad says I can”, “mom/dad told me to tell you that you have to do (whatever)”, “you can’t tell me what to do”. I am sure that there are plenty of more phrases but these are the most hurtful ones. So how do you deal with it? It is eaiser than you think. One thing to remember that what goes around, comes around. Sounds horrible when it comes to kids, but if they are old enough to show you disrect, then they are old enough to recieve it. If they don’t like it, they will change. These type of kids feel that someone owes them and they don’t have to do anything to get what they want. Here are some tips on how to rectify that situation.

If you have other children from a previous marriage or some type of relationship and you still have contact with them, no matter what, make them your priority. This will keep your own children from thinking they are being replaced. Your step-children my try to “throw a wedge” in the relationship between your real children because they feel like they are being threaten. They may talk bad about your kids, regardless if they met them or not, be rude to your children if they visit you. If your new family moves in with you in your home, make sure you do not give up your childrens room for the step-children. Sounds harsh, but it goes with your own children thinking they are being pushed out.

Don’t try to be a father/mother to the kids. You can be a father/mother to a point, but you are pretty much limited in the discipline department. You will have to let their parent do that. That will go with if you want your spouse to discipline your children. Be more of a friend. But a firm friend. If the kids ask you for money or material thing, think how you would act with you own children. If this is a situation that you would say no, then say no. If you only have enough money to buy your children something, then say no to your step children. You have to remember that they have a father/mother and he/she is still their primary care taker. More then likely, if your step children is asking you for money or material things, then their mother/father had already told them no and now they are preying on you. If your step-children rebel against their parent disciplinary action. Do not get involved, even if you are asked too.

Be a part of the family. Encourage family outings. Even if it is a trip to the store. If your spouse’s children refuses, then bring your own children along if you can. The harmony in this situation is knowing where to stand. You want the step children to like you, but not disrespect you.